February 2012
1 post
Two depictions of the same event
Tonight, as I was on the way back home from work on Metro’s orange line, a pointless, minor punch-up broke out between two stupid chaps in one of the train carriages. The driver stopped the train and kept the doors closed at the Rosslyn stop, for about 10 minutes, until the police arrived. People were, expectedly and noticeably annoyed. Once thepolice arrived and sorted it out, the doors...
November 2011
118 posts
1 tag
fundamentalist, n.
Third-world newspaper reader in disagreement with Friedman, T.
2 tags
frozen conflict, n.
Two to four weeks per year when our correspondent takes a vacation.
1 tag
freethinker, n.
Third-world newspaper reader in agreement with Friedman, T.
2 tags
Friedman, T, n.
Truth-teller. Enlightened guide of newspaper readers everywhere. See prophet.
4 tags
free market, n.
Benevolent world market with invisible hand. Sometimes hand needs backing of bombs, soldiers and bailouts to open up the market fully. See IMF, World Bank, God, profit.
2 tags
freedom fighter, n.
See William Wallace, Joan of Arc, George Washington. Since freedom has been attained, numerous misguided militants groups have misused the term. See militant, terrorist, insurgent.
1 tag
forgiveness, n.
Not encouraged in news story. See conflict, war.
3 tags
fluency, n.
In multiple languages - pre-requisite for foreign correspondent. Compulsory vocabulary: “kayfa haaluk” to refugees in Middle-east and “buenos dias” to coca farmers in Latin-America. Rest of report may proceed in English. Need not know other words.
5 tags
flip-flopping, v. tr.
Process of shameful politician’s cherry-picked, out-of-context words from this campaign contradicting cherry-picked, out-of-context words from last campaign.
3 tags
flagellation, n.
Bloody Shi’a ritual during Iranian Ashura religious festival involving bare-backed whipping with leather instruments. Known to anger some US politicians, one stating: “They get to do stuff like that in public, while I have to pay good money for it and be very careful about privacy. I think we should bomb them.”
1 tag
fissile, adj.
Use this word liberally when talking about Iran. Meaning unimportant.
4 tags
fierce fighting, adj., v. tr.
Where? Have we got a correspondent there we can do a live with at the top of the hour?
2 tags
first world, n.
Source of news. Receiver of news. For victim of news see third world.
3 tags
fetish, n.
If it bleeds it leads.
1 tag
feedback, n.
The thing we say we want from you to make you think we are covering what you want to be covered.
4 tags
FBI, abbrv. n.
Foil-But1st-Instigate. Federal Bureau specialising in deploying undercover agents to hatch terror plot among young, disenfranchised youth. Then swoop to foil given plot, arrest disenfranchised youth and in the process save lives, western civilization.
3 tags
Fayyad, Salam, n.
After years of negligence, finally a clean-shaven and suited Palestinian leader the international community can deal with.
3 tags
Fatwa, n.
Soon to be issued religious edict against author after this dictionary goes viral.
2 tags
fairy tale, n.
All record of history, sociology and anthropology that preceded the launch of the network.
3 tags
fact-check, v. tr.
Process of cross-referencing whether Wikipedia entry agrees with your claim.
4 tags
fabrication, n.
Any accusations that this dictionary is anything other than a serious piece of work. The author takes great pains to independently verify facts, like Friedman, T, does. Robust measures are taken to ensure the words are sourced from the highest quality mainstream journalism, and the works of great journalists, like Friedman, T.
3 tags
exposé, n.
Shocking revelations of politician’s toilet-cubicle antics & not the napalm attacks he sponsored in distant lands.
3 tags
explosion, n.
See Top story.
1 tag
exempt, adj.
Our guys, from the ICC. We didn’t ratify the Rome Statute. Africa Mr Ocampo, investigate Africa.
3 tags
execute, v. tr.
Preferred method of dealing with terror suspects. See drone, extrajudicial.
4 tags
Ethnic cleansing, n. euph.
Act of evicting or killing opposing ethnic group in Africa, Asia. For Europe, North America, see deportation.
2 tags
Ethiopia, n.
Famine and long distance running.
4 tags
emir, n.
[PAGE NOT FOUND]
5 tags
embargo, n.
Humane act of restraint by our leaders against bad nations. Based on scientific theory that starvation will inspire democracy.
3 tags
engineer, n.
Immediate expert on aeronautics, building collapse & steel-melting after observing violent geopolitical event.
8 tags
election, n.
Quadrennial event for a hopeful & smiling 99% to show inky fingers to our cameras - before we return our attention to the 1%.
6 tags
economist, n.
Expert who triggers entire newsrooms to google “credit default swap”. Specializes in bears..& bull.
7 tags
Earpiece, n.
Device fitting anchor’s ear. Delivers unalterable holy truths of revelation for regurgitation.
8 tags
drones, n.
Angels of mercy who keep our troops out of harms way and spread the bombs of freedom.
2 tags
doubt, n.
…is not a virtue. Everything we say is the truth. Believe it.
7 tags
Dominique Strauss-Kahn, n.
Former head of organisation accused by anti-capitalists of aggressively imposing will on the poor and desperate.
6 tags
dominant culture, n.
Ours.
4 tags
disinformation, n.
The other channel/news network.
5 tags
director (studio), n.
Often-gifted, TV control room decision-maker. Prone to hysteria when disaster hits. Capable of exhibiting God-complex.
3 tags
disaster, n.
Conflict and catastrophe-free 24 hour news cycle.
5 tags
diplomat, n.
Politician who, at a young age, perfected the coercive art of saying, “But I love you,” defusing awkwardness and maximising success during back-seat teenage fumbling sessions. Carried this art into national service.
9 tags
dictator, n.
Third world leader who either massacres his own people or dares use natural resources for social projects. See regime change.
5 tags
democratise, v. tr.
Nation state’s march towards enlightenment. Helped by addition of McDonald’s franchises.
5 tags
democracy, n.
See holy grail.
6 tags
dehumanising, v. tr.
Effects of militia attack that killed the child, not exacerbated by the journalists who require the grieving eyewitness mother to describe the ordeal (preferably with tears) in a thirty second soundbite. If it’s over thirty seconds, get her to do it again until she gets it right.
4 tags
defiant, adj.
Use this word to describe any speech by dictator. Content needn’t be noted.
6 tags
debate, n.
Enjoyable, if somewhat heated, political game played by both blue and red wings of the business party in the United States. Most journalists capable of reading the thoughts of debaters.
5 tags
dead, adj.
See newsworthy.
4 tags
Darwin, Charles, n.
Bearded man most hated by bearded men.